Sarah Ayawa: Redefining Tradition, Restoring Dignity

I do not remember my wedding day. I do not even remember how old I was. All I know is that I was still a child when I was given out as a “money-wife” (the term is used to refer to a woman considered to have been given or exchanged as part of social or economic arrangements) in Becheve, in Obanliku, Cross River State. 

I was told it was tradition. I was told it was necessary. No one asked me what I wanted. That was how my childhood ended.

I grew up raising six children inside a life that had already been decided for me. I learned to accept things quietly. In my community, this practice existed for generations. Girls were given out to settle debts, and many of us believed there was nothing we could do about it.

When my husband died in 2021, I was afraid. According to tradition, I was expected to be handed over to another man in his family. I had seen it happen before. I knew what it meant, another life chosen for me. But something had changed.

In 2020, after many conversations in our community, the “money-woman” practice was publicly abolished by our traditional ruler. I later learned that this change did not happen overnight. Through the EU-UN Spotlight Initiative, UN Women and the African Centre for Leadership, Strategy & Development had been working with our leaders. They spoke about dignity, about the harm caused to girls, and about the need to rethink traditions that bring pain instead of protection. When my husband passed, no one came to claim me.

For the first time in my life, I felt that I belonged to myself. I remained in my home. I continued raising my children without fear of being transferred like property.

I am most grateful for my daughters. I look at them and know their future can be different. I’m happy this practice has been stopped because I don’t want any man to give my daughters out as they did to me.

Today, I speak to other women and families in my community. I tell them that some traditions can change. I tell them that protecting girls does not destroy culture, it strengthens it.

Through the LEAP Project, Traditional and Cultural Leaders on Ending GBV by Advancing Advocacy, Policy and Social Norms Change, supported by the Ford Foundation, UN Women Nigeria is strategically partnering with traditional and religious leaders to advance justice for women and girls. 

The project recognizes that violence is rooted not only in weak enforcement, but in social norms that legitimize abuse. Legal reform must therefore go hand in hand with cultural transformation. Central to this effort is strengthening the implementation of Nigeria’s Violence Against Persons Prohibition (VAPP) Act and related state laws. Through structured dialogues and technical support, traditional councils are examining long-held practices, aligning customary systems with statutory protections, and committing to refer criminal cases to formal justice institutions rather than settling them informally. 

In Ika community, Akwa Ibom State, the Traditional Rulers Council publicly abolished harmful widowhood practices and adopted a Community Guideline on GBV Prevention aligned with the state’s VAPP Law. For Mrs. Mbere Obong (not real name), this reform meant protection at her most vulnerable moment. Having witnessed widows subjected to forced seclusion and property dispossession, she feared similar treatment when her husband died. Instead, traditional leaders declared that no one should humiliate or coerce her. She remained in her home and retained her property with dignity. “I felt protected,” she said. 

Across ten communities in six states, public renunciations of child marriage, rape, denial of inheritance rights, and other harmful practices are now backed by written community guidelines, accountability mechanisms, and collaboration with Ministries of Women Affairs and Justice. Through LEAP, UN Women is championing a model of justice that bridges customary authority and formal law. It is transforming traditional leadership structures into allies for rights, protection, and accountability. From Sarah’s freedom in Becheve to widows’ dignity in Ika, these reforms demonstrate that when culture evolves and institutions align, justice becomes real and women and girls can finally claim the futures they deserve.

This story was collected and written by Anthony Abu, communication officer (Nigeria) as part of the regional campaign Justice in Action: Breaking Barriers in West and Central Africa.